She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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