I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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