We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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