I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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