I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
