I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
