I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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