People in love make me want to vomit
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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