I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
