today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
