You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
