just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
