i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
