Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
