If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
