perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
