oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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