You're like the curious george of whores
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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