I'm jealous of your bromance
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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