Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
