This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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