you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize