Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
