how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
As shirtless as possible
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
