Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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