Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize