are you so shy because you have an std?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
