He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
