You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
