I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
