I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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