Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
