I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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