Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
