i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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