Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
