Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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