I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
