You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
