exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He shit in the fireplace
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
