so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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