We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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