D3 body, D1 cock
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
