Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize