he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
