i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
