i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
