when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
