He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
