i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so let's talk penis.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
