Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize