hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
