I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
