You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize