Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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