The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
