ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
