Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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