I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
