I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
