question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
