I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
