I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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