ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize