Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
