Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
