That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
