He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
