My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
