She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
please come you make the beer taste better
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
