So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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