My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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