i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
