There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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