i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
