just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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