i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
