is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
