I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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