it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
