Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
