Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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