Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
