i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
