Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
