YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
