ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
